Not feeling too hot with myself right now

I did not get up for my shift this morning (2a-6a). One of my supervisors called me and said that the other one, who was on a conference call, wanted her to call me and see what happened. I told her that I was not feeling well, and actually she was my wake up call. I told her that I would work straight through the make up my time and for my shift that starts at 12 noon. She said that the other supervisor was going to call me after her conference call. (YIKES)

Well, I know what is coming. I have already been warned, verbally, so the next is written, and then two more steps..and my job is through. Do I want this? No, but why is it so hard for me to get up. It is because I drain myself during the day, or is it that my bed is comfortable, or is it that I tell myself I am going to get up and hit the snooze button and never do. Whatever it is...I need to get my behind in gear.

Looking at my children this morning, on the morning of my baby's birthday, I got a little choked up. How could I risk this? How could I risk not being here for them? How many other moms would kill to have my job? Susan, you need to get a grip. I cannot fail them.. they depend so much on me and it is my job to provide for them. Right now my heart is racing, my fingers are typing like they never have, and anticipating that phone call, hoping that she does just give me the warning and not fire me. I do not think I could handle being fired. That is not what I want.

So when the phone call comes, I am going to take responsibility and move on from there. Going to get my behind out of the bed when my alarm goes off and not hit the snooze button. If I had to work out of the house, I am not sure what I would do or where my children would be.

So from now on, no more...zero tolerance and as I tell me children, Just do it, do not try!!! I am writing this to remind me of how precious my children, my life, our lives, and most of all my job is to me, so that I can remind myself and get it into my head. Right now my son is mad at me because I will not and cannot listen to him...is it his fault? no, it is mine and I am going to have to make it up to him because IF I would hae gotten up..>i would not be working right now.