It is funny how when you put down to paper (or computer) what your current trial is how you can gain strength from just "letting it go" and the decision becomes easier and the situation becomes clearer. The other day, I journaled about Jeff and how there were things that were between us, which were fine and dandy, but for him it meant certain things happening and for me it meant that certain things could not happen, but if I was to continue there was a HUGE possibility that they would and then I would be back to square one and might have sacrificed everything that was is the foundation for which I stand and raise my children on. Today, while driving the subject about Chasity and being chaste. I pulled out my handy dandy True to the Faith book (gosh I LOVE this book!!!) and starting reading out of it to children after explaining certain things to them. As I was reading, I new that taking Jeff's number out of my phone and saying I was not going to answer his calls was the best action. There is a section under the topic of Chasity that is Decide now to be chaste. In the section, it states, "You need to make this decision only once. Make the decision now, before the temptation comes, and let your decision be so firm and with such deep commitment that it can never be shaken. Determine now that you will never do anything outside of marriage to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not arouse those emotions in another person's body or in your own body. Determine now that you will be completely true to your spouse."
Now while some of those do not apply to me, such as my spouse, the majority of this section did. I made the decision, but the temptation has been there and I want to thank my Heavenly Father for given me the strength or the roadblocks that happened there, so that nothing did happen between Jeff and I. I made the decision several times, but I guess until I made the decision really, which was by taking his number out of my phone and such, the decision had not been made. I have made up my mind that I WILL NOT do anything again until I am married and also in a marriage that is recognized by the Church, not a common-law marriage as with Steven (so another post).
I felt so good when I was reading the section in the book about Chasity to the children that I indeed made the right decision. It was a like a ah-ha moment and a confirmation that I was on the right path, the straight and narrow. I was reading this and thinking why did I not read this yesterday, but see in fact I had already read it several times, but this time it stood out to me more and I know it is because I first had to make the decision to not do it and pray for Heavenly Father's help, and that today was part of the help that I was seeking.
I pray that Heavenly Father be there with me throughout this area of my life. That is continues to give me the strength to do his will and what is right. I am thankful for the gospel and my membership in it, as well as for the people who have been there for me in such a non-judgemental way. I am grateful for the sacrifice and Atonement of Jesus and that I am able to be forgiven for my sins, if I truly repent. I am also grateful for a Father in Heaven that knows us so well. He knows what is in my heart and what I have tried so unsuccessfully to accomplish because I was doing it my way and not his way. I am grateful that he has never turned his back on me and has been waiting there all this time for me to come and say, "Okay, it is not about when I want it and ready, but when you feel that I am ready. Got it!" I am grateful for the temples that we have here on earth and for the path I am on, so that I can one day be worthy to enter the temple and make those covenants and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ...Amen.
I mean look at it (San Antonio Temple), do you not want to go there? I mean, I do and I will do what I need to do to become worthy to enter the Temple!!!!
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